Kedzie Takes a Tumbl

thegoldensnitchy:

So the IQA needs to find Team USA. The ultimate squad of Quidditch players who can represent America at the Olympics expo. No worries, IQA, Snitchy’s got this one for ya.

You can’t just throw players together all willy nilly and expect them to perform well. A team of nothing but hard hitters will turn the demo games into a bloodbath, with the poor UK team exiting the pitch in an ambulance. A team of purely fast players will make the games hard to follow, and there won’t be the carnage that makes Quidditch so fun to watch. My Team USA is perfect.

Chasers: KEDZIE, ZACH and BRAD are all leaders. Zach’s greatest strength is his ability to keep order on the pitch; he would be the “captain” and be put in charge of the team’s passing and scoring strategies. Brad would be the muscle, delivering blow after blow to keep the audience entertained. Kedzie is the speed, darting through the pitch like lightning and making some bludger-dodging jumps that’ll wow viewers. All three have great throwing accuracy, so the passing game would be superb and no one player would need to “carry” the team.

Keeper: SLIPSTREAM (Augustine) is a triple threat. He’s smart, he’s physical, and he’s fast. He’s amazing both offensively and defensively. Not much else needs to be said.

Beaters: I’ve yet to see any beater who has the precision and tenacity on the pitch that MOLLIE displays. And NICTE’s catching ability is truly amazing. If the IQA needs to display all that beaters can and should be, these two are perfect.

Seeker: It’s only fair for Middlebury, the five time “World” champs, to have a representative on the team. And Josh is a great seeker. He pretty much single-handedly gave Midd their win at the last Cup, and he doesn’t get bothered or distracted by zany Snitch antics.

Snitch: There is no better Snitch in the sport right now than JOHN BLACKLER. There just isn’t. He’s one of the fastest, he’s definitely the most physical and can last the longest contact-wise against seekers (again, the IQA’s head snitch got caught 1 minute after he ditched his disguise in a semi-final game), and he has a few quirky antics in him as well.

BONUS: Kedzie is a journalist and could help promote. Nicte’s a SnitchCenter host, and could do on-site interviews of viewers. And Brad and Zach have already proven they don’t mind shelling out a few bucks to travel for Quidditch.

So stop looking, IQA. This is your team. Go America.

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(If subs are even remotely possible with IQA funding, I’ve got a way you’d only need to bring four. Spencer, who shares the strengths of the two beaters, could sub in for either of them without the dynamics changing too much and then agile Jess would go in for Kedzie. Jess also plays Seeker if need be. If Slipstream became unable to play, Michael Parada (a Slipstream-esque Chaser to be featured soon) could go in for Brad, who would then become Keeper. And Benny and Zach are both leaders of highly-strategic teams and could be interchanged comfortably. With these four subs, you could keep the same amount of incredibly physical, fast, and intelligent players on the field at all times. You could send me, too… to like… sideline coach and shit. I could wear a mask to preserve anonymity)